2. When Pigs Talk

Dennis (Xiao) Zhan

Writing Exercise #2: When Pigs Talk

            It all began one unsuspecting day in the early hours of dawn at the San Francisco zoo. The zookeeper was on his way to feed the tigers. He carried a bucketful of moist red meat, and was happily walking when he heard something very odd. It came from the monkey cages. He stopped in his tracks and turned his attention over toward the monkeys.

            "Good morning," said a squeaky voice.

            "Good morning," said another even squeakier voice. "Say, do you feel kind of strange today? I'm feeling kind of strange."
            The zookeeper's mouth gaped open as wide as gate. In front of him were two monkeys staring at each other in the cage, and they were...talking.

            "I feel fine," said a monkey. "But your voice sounds kind of weird. I think you might have eaten something bad."

            "Nonsense," said the other monkey. "It's you who's sounding strange. You must have eaten something bad."

            The zookeeper stumbled backwards from disbelief, his bucket of meat dropped to the ground and spilled out all over. He quickly turned and ran as fast as he could. He had to tell someone about this. As he dashed toward the administrative building, he was caught by another voice.

            "Hey, why are you in such a hurry?" shouted a deep rumbling voice. "You might hurt yourself if you go too fast." The zookeeper stopped in mid-motion. He slowly turned his head slowly toward where the sound came from. It was a rhinoceros on the other side of the steel fence. The zookeeper slapped himself several times in the face, trying to clear his head, and then kept on running. Everywhere he went in the zoo, he could hear the voices of all the animals erupting into English.

            That was the day when every animal in the San Francisco zoo suddenly learned to speak. The news reporters were quick on the scene, broadcasting this terribly strange yet fascinating phenomenon to the whole world. They interviewed nearly all the animals. Each animal seemed to have its own unique personality. Monkeys were hyperactive. Hippos were loudmouthed. Tigers were sarcastic. Elephants were laid-back. Groundhogs were paranoid. Etc. They were as different as their appearances. If there was one thing in common, it was that most of their conversations ended up talking about food, or freedom.

            Scientists came from all over to find out the cause for why all these animals were able to suddenly speak English, but there was no logical explanation for how this possibly could have happened. None of the animals in all the other zoos in the world could talk. More importantly, there was a new problem that arose from this situation.

            "Freedom! Freedom! Freedom!" screamed all the animals. They chanted all day and night, demanding freedom, and the right to be treated as people too.

            One of the most intelligent of the animals, a hog, made a speech that went on national TV. "My brethren!" he spoke powerfully and charismatically. "For too long have we been caged and imprisoned by the shackles of inequality. For too long have we been robbed of our dignity and crushed under the yoke of society. What shall we say? Does it matter that we have horns or tusks, hooves or fins, fangs or sucklers? Sure, we don't all walk on two legs, but we deserve to be treated with the same respect and humanity as everyone else! Free the animal kingdom!"

            And so, this cry for freedom resonated in the minds of many, and touched the hearts of the citizens. Even humans began to protest against the zoo, demanding that the animals be released. People took up arms and went out marching with pickets and wild banners. Free the animal kingdom! I was like the 1960s all over again, but this time, it was for equal rights for other species.

            Eventually, after much bitter struggle, the authorities gave in and ordered the release of all the animals. But as always, a new problem came up. Where would all these animals go? How would they integrate into human society? They had to get jobs now, or go to school. They had to pay taxes now, which some of them were too slow at and got in big trouble. Some of them ended up in jail, a lot of the times for public indecency. In the end, most of the animals grew tired of human life, with all of its complexities. They went back to the zoo, where life was simple, where all they needed to do was eat, sleep, and mate. The ones that went back stopped talking.